10 Things I Learned From "Wife Swap:" Williamsville Edition"

1. The Williamsville School District has a lot to answer for. What the fuck do those kids do all day if a non functional barely functional space cadet who can barely speak or hold a pencil doesn't stand out? Somebody needs to do an intervention because that kid is doomed.
2. Watching a father air brushing on his daughter's tan makes me queasy.
3. That woman from Williamsville looked like an evil orphanage owner from an old "Little Rascals" short. I especially liked her Cruella DeVille posing, immature name calling, and the fact that she was demonstrably less intelligent than the homeskilled teenager she tried to school in the real ways of the world. What a great villain.
4. Irony is dead in Williamsville.
5. I wouldn't pay that douchebag to carry a bag of dogshit let alone tint my windows.
6. I will bet you five bucks that Little Princess will crash into you with her SUV eventually.
7. After that sicko child beauty pagaent that poor toddler from Indiana is in serious danger of succumbing to the dark side.
8. How dumb do you gotta be to actually broadcast your total lack of self awareness or any awareness at all to the entire country? What the fuck.
9. We should all some sparkle to our day, every day.
10. The most vile people in America live 10 minutes from me.

I'm glad that Howard Stern tore them apart on his show. I'm really glad my peeps brought this to my attention. That really was better than a John Waters movie... and it took place in Williamsville.