The Tyranny of Hypocrites and Assholes

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The joys of TiVO:

- It gave me the "PRESS TO RECORD" during a promo last week on the far superior The Office showing her so I TiVO'd Scrubs because Mandy Moore was on (there's just something about Mandy Moore*) and while that show is just lousy there were a few good bits that I caught on fast forward after the first lousy 10 minutes: the black dude from Clueless lipsynching Bell Biv Devoe and Mandy Moore making out with the subsitute daughter on Roseanne during one of their tiresome "fantasy sequences." After watching that a few times I deleted it.

* That something being her fine and smoking performance as an uptight born again in that movie with the kid from Home Alone and the kid from Almost Famous, Saved.

- Lost is fucking nuts, what with the con men on the make, not so deserted island manias and phobias running wild, the forming of a posse commitatus for war, and the dissolution of a primitive society on the edge. Twin Peaks wasn't even remotely close to this good during it's fateful second season.

In Karma Police Custody

Karma police
I've given all I can,
it's not enough,
I've given all I can
but we're still on the payroll.

This is what you get,
this is what you get,
this is what you get,
when you mess with us.

For a minute there
I lost myself,
I lost myself.
Phew, for a minute there,
I lost myself,
I lost myself.

Lyrics and Music by Radiohead

Bang the Drum

There's nothing else to be said.

The Sabres are fucking amazing.

Starting believing folks, and give freely of yourselves to this cause because things can and will happen if we do this right people.

Good Eats

Salsalita's, the new tex-mex joint at the corner of Delaware and Chippewa is hella good. Light chips with a better than passable guacamole, fucking delicious chicken tacos, I'm talking tacos that you can eat anytime of the day or week and not neccesarily when you are bombed, and beer. I had me a goddamn Dos Equis to wash down my grub, and one of the companions enjoyed a good margarita that went down well also. It is good shit I tell you, good shit.

The chicken club pizza from Just Pizza, with a honey BBQ crust is the bomb. Trust me on this.

And I hereby declare that the prepared foods at the Wegman's on Amherst are damned close, damned close to the quality found at the chic Sheridan Dr. Wegmans out in Williamsville. All they need is a pasta station and all will be right.

Cock@#$%er Blues

What do The Rolling Stones and I have in common? Two things. One is that both of us have been censored recently for making reference to busting nuts: I got the business BIG TIME from the powers that be for this blog post on the WNY Progress Report Blog orginally entitled "Another Premature Ejaculation," and the Stones agreed to be hassled by the man for their bawdy classic rock during XL's limp dicked halftime.

The moral of the story: shit happens.

Comfortably Numb

There's no guesswork here. I am all fucked up, and here are my random Super Bowl XL thoughts:

Playing The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" as Seattle took the field was wrong, a total dis, and utterly prophetic. The "Star Spangled Banner" was woeful. Madison Avenue was totally under the impression that we Americans were all fucked up on something for this holy day: the wacky Dr. Seuss intro (and can somebody explain to me why the Hell Indiana Jones has an earring? and when did Dr. Seuss sell out?), the dinosaur vs. caveman Fed Ex commercial, and the wonderfully lesbionic Burger King burger dancers. I mean, they were so totally messing with us. The cheerleaders filmed from the neck up has got to stop! What the Hell is that about? Oh, we don't want to offend the red states. But of course all the best and most memorable commercials featured sex sex sex. The commercials for V For Vendetta intrigued me, Pixar's Cars got me fired up, while 16 Blocks struck me as sort of flat. The Stones were good, but ABC's sound SUCKED; rock should be played, Hell, has to be played at maximum volume, and the Stones were robbed. The thin sound made them sound strained and rinky dink when I know they can rock, and rock hard. Chris Berman however gets props for his Exile on Main St. reference to "Tumbling Dice". And what the fuck was up with that commercial with the Nuclear beast/Super Robot bestiality? Is that even bestiality? Where's Philip K. Dick when you need him? Hummer supporting, Hell, encouraging crass consumerism is one thing, but that might be a bit much. The game itself sort of blew, a grinding bore fest that like too many Super Bowls made me glad when it was over, and suprise suprise just when it started getting boring ABC flashed us some cheerleaders from the neck down... If the Super Bowl represents America than America is a place that will grind you up and spit you out, and probably existentially bore you to death while it happens, and the first 10 minutes of Grey's Anatomy reminded me why I can't stand it: it's just cheesy ass shit that's hilariously gratuitous and patently over the top as an alternative to actual depth, which is apparently the going trend over at ABC.*


* Ha ha mutherfuckers! I knew what are going to say before you say it. Lost however is a good show, clever and sly with a big, genuine heart.

Big Bang Orgasms of Color!

The big bang-esque globs of psychedlic colored phallic animated protrusions that visually accompany The Soft Bulletin in 5.1 (SURROUND SOUND!) on DVD are awesome; life affirming even, money shots of color that pulse and burble in tune with the SURROUND SOUND! music that envelopes the listener and lifts them up above the daily hum of existance into something beautiful and profound. Wayne Coyne's liner notes are awesome, a meditation on the nature of ART and the artistic experience and the act of creation, and the true meaning of life and how to live it. If Bono is trying to save the world Wayne is trying to save our sense of wonder, of exuberance, whimsy, and desire to better comprehend our human experience in a cold, cold world. The music itself, the art of The Flaming Lips is even more awesome than before; while it would be a stretch to call it a life changing record, The Soft Bulletin BLEW MY MIND when I first heard it about 2.5 years ago: beautiful lyrics about living and dying that spoke to me as a human being, and the Zeppelin-esque percussion backing the orchestral progressive rock psychedlia brought (and still brings) true joy to my heart; and the new 5.1 mix goes further into the mystic to create a tactile experience that literally touches you in the guts and sucks you into it for some serious sensory stimulation. And did I mention that it is life affirming? And awesome?

Those magical years spent watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 on Comedy Central years and years ago paid off last night at the WNY Coalition for Progress State of the Union Viewing Shindig. As a cinephile MST3K proudly lowered my horizons and exposed me to our world's worst cinema; as a political animal it helped give me perfect timing for interjecting snide and or funny comments, japes, and commentary, and last night it came in handy as the targets and opportunities were beyond plentiful.

Apparently I was funny.

Quick Shots (TiVO and Otherwise)

- I cannot watch the end of Return of the King without crying, I confess. I didn't cry this time when Sam carried Frodo up Mount Doom but damn I was still helpless when everybody bows before the hobbits, and when Sam gets married... forget about it. Ever since I sat next to the teenage girls during ROTK in the theater and the one tremulously gasped "OH SAM!" when Sam kisses Rosie that scene has been ruined for me. Just joking. And for the record Fellowship of the Ring is also hilarously underestimated, every bit as Led Zeppelin as Two Towers and as emotionally satisfying as the Oscar slaying ROTK, a real pleasure to view with ROTK in the rearview mirror...

- I also watched the beginning and end of Smallville before I deleted it and damn I teared up again during the Pa Kent death and funeral scenes, this time apparently because I wasn't crowing over being right in my ESP. There was some genuine emotion in those scenes, and by gum it was a great episode.

- According to AICN Cartoon Network is cancelling my guiltiest TiVO pleasure Justice League Unlimited, the excellently written Superfriends on LSD for the 21st Century that featured some of the best voice casting around, and no cheesy ass shit. Oh well.

- "Entangled" and "Ripples", the slow jam outs on A Trick of the Tail, are awesome songs, some of Genesis' best. The new Flaming Lips ringtones are hot, spiffy to the max. I so cannot wait for their new album...

- Every Simpsons season has some fluff, funny yet aimless episodes that just sort of fill in between the exemplary installments and the occasional classic, and this week's entry fell into this category.

- 24 is still off the hook. James Bond... I mean Jack Bauer is on the mutha, the moral cowardice of the President is wicked entertainment, Samwise Gamgee is rocking, and the tension (Jesus H.Christmas! Nerve Gas people!) is preposterous. Still the best thrill ride on TV, hands down.

- WNY Coalition for Progress State of the Union Viewing Party, tomorrow night at JP Bullfeather's, 8:30 PM. A good time will be had by all.

Fuck Oprah

I'm with Jeff Jarvis on this one, I am tired of her self help guru for homebound noodleheads shit, and the fact that this role has clearly and completely warped Oprah's brain so that she see's this as perfectly A-OK. And why the fuck is she on EVERY SINGLE cover of her magazine? The woman has created and devoted an entire magazine to herself and her guru bullshit! "It's OK that it wasn't true because the redemptive aspect of the books is still good..." Objective truth is meaningless so long as the lies make you feel better?!? Fuck!!!! Enough people. Pull yourselves together!

I hate to say it folks, but there's a lot of reasons why our American brains are being sucked out through our noses, and Oprah Winfrey is one of the biggest.

Bono is Starting to "Bug" Me... Again

I've loved U2 for 20 years, but not always as faithfully as I do now... there was a period in the late 80's when Bono became just too goddamned obnoxious, everything an IMPORTANT STATEMENT, as epitomized by one of the most cloying moments in a documentary EVER when Bono sililoquizes about Mandela and whether Bono was "bugggin' ya?" during "Silver and Gold" in the Rattle and Hum movie. Yes, this turned me off. The footage of four rich rock stars frowning everywhere they went, the weight and suffering of the world squarely on their rock star shoulders... this ran totally against my middle class, proletariat view of rock stardom, and I got tired of it. It wasn't until Achtung Baby and the leather pants and humor that I enjoyed U2 again, and for a long time my total love of U2 reigned supreme.

Until now perhaps. Hobnobbing with Dipshit Bush for the greater good is one thing, but hoping into bed with American Express, Versace, Gap, and Nike to produce a special Amex card to fight aids? What the fuck? A goddamned credit card? It's bad enough that we are back in the Gilded Age when the super rich moved, ran, and tried to save the world, but this might be too much for this here U2 fan, and of course that worries me.

Trouble

- This is the absolute truth, exactly what happens when people spend more meaningful time with their coworkers than their actual "people" (family, friends). Yipes.

Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight

- Tonight's Sabres v Leafs game is another knock down drag out classic. 9 goals in 2 periods, and I wish more than 5 of them were ours. The third period is going to be tough.

- Links. I give you links to all sorts of stuff.

- I forgot to mention that I got the Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince audiobook on cd yesterday. That means I got em all. I also got my UK editions of the first two books in hardcover from Amazon.ca, which I means I got them all too, my library complete except for the final book, which so many wait for. This officially heals the hurt of being snubbed for Dave Gilmour tickets a few weeks back, after which I ordered this merchandise.

- According to the latest Rolling Stone: Neil Young is a god, Radiohead is going on tour this summer (and this time no episode at the show), and Larry Wachowski is a wacko, who's love of deviant sex overshadowed his love of cinema and is largely responsible for the lousy Matrix sequels. All things in moderation indeed...

- Kicked in the Nuts is priceless, profoundly hilarious. Channel101.com is the shit, pure and simple.

- 10:06 PM Update: 12 goals total, 8 of them for us. Another fine effort, and for the record Lindy Ruff is the best coach the Sabres have ever had.

- The 100th episode of Smallville was ludicrusly wonderful, thunderously operatic, the first 10 minutes mind boggling, and hot damn I called it: Pa Kent is dead and even though I new it was going to happen (because that's what I do) I was still profoundly moved when it happened, a wonderful homage to that iconic scene from the first Superman movie, a scene that still hits me in the gut to this day. And Peter Gabriel for the cemetary scene. Wow. Bow down before me Attorney Dave! And now, Smallville is about Clark Kent, the man before Superman. Let's see how that works out, and where it goes from here.

- But seriously, John Schneider was rock solid for 100 episodes, in a role that might well mark him forever to me as PA KENT rather than Bo Duke. If Smallville has added anything to the Superman mythos it's how it's showed what makes Superman the man he is, a hero he is: the love of his parents, their values, and their faith in him, and while Annette O'Toole is a gift that keeps on giving as Ma Kent, Schneider brought a lot of heart and grit, and truth to his role, and to say that he will be missed is a profound understatement.

- The Encyclopedia Brown reference during Seth's first burn on The OC was priceless. I even remember the book he specifically mentions under the influence. Man I used to love Encyclopedia Brown, and The Baker Street Irregulars...

Comics You Should Read, Really

Cleaning out my Drafts folder...

Every now and again I will give you Cliff's Comics He Thinks You All Should Read:

All Star Superman #2. Mythic, the perfect way to get ready for Superman Returns this summer at the movies. Grant Morrison artfully distills 70 years of Supermanicana within his own superimaginative patois, and I want to buy a page of Frank Quietly art from this book and frame it. Head over to Chuck at Seeley and Kane's and pick this up and issue 1 and you will be in business. Heady stuff.

Sgt. Rock: The Prophecy #1. Back in the 50's and 60's Joe Kubert revolutionized comic book storytelling for all generations to come, the beginning of the cinematic comic artist, and with this book he's back to challenge all comers. Fantastic storytelling, a gritty, pitch perfect WWII comic that is beatifully drawn, perfectly colored, and each page a masters class in the art of comic book storytelling, and how and why they are taking over the movies.

And coming up and back in a few weeks is Joss Whedon and John Cassiday's titanic Astonishing X-Men #13 (after a brief hiatus so they can faithfully make their monthly dates for this 12 issue run), and if you want to get on board for this legendary run find yourself a copy of Astonishing X-Men: The Saga, a nice encapsulation Cliff Notes version of their magnificent first 12 issues, or better yet pick up the nice trade paperbacks of all 12 issues and go nuts. Also breathtakingly cinematic, bold, with amazing dialogue, crisp storytelling and sharp, mythic appraisals of these classic characters (also contemporary cinema fodder). If these guys can do 36 issues this might be the best run on X-Men ever.

I Have No Idea What The Fuck I Am Doing

Apparently I had comments and they've just been sitting there. Sorry folks. In addition to spilling forth on this and that I promise to do a better job keeping track of this here thang. And there will be template changes every now and again because sometimes I just get tired of stuff.

Also, if anybody knows how to work this blogspot thing so I can add links and stuff to this site please contact me, I need some goddamned assistance I am so helpless with this shit. But at least I can admit it. I refuse however to recant on my Bon Jovi comments. I've talked to their fans and know what they are really about- "AWW MY GOD JOHN BON JOVI IS SOOO CUTE"... I also have it on good authority that "RITCHIE ISN'T LOOKING TO BAD EITHER."

Like I said before: I'd rather put shit in my mouth than listen to Bon Jovi.

A Nice Day Off

So far:

- I've watched last night's Lost, another fine episode. Unfortunately if you haven't jumped on by now forget about it. Don't worry however, this gem is not out of your reach as I am sure ABC will do another groovy Peter Coyote narrated summarization before the third season.

- Wrapped up my FIFA 2006 career as Heathcliff Parks at Ajax in the Dutch Eridevise and moved up to the demanding British Premeire with Newcastle United in the central midlands. Bloody madness this league, and I suspect I've added grief to my life with this move from the relatively tranquil Dutch league. Whoops.

- Savored the second disc of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on audiobook. Jim Dale nails the abundant witch and wizard adult dialogue as the Potterverse goes even more widescreen. It's intriguing that many think it's the sixth book that gave Rowling adult lit cred but I suspect it's in the fifth that she tightened it up and went wild.

- And blogged and blogged.

And now some work.

Superman 3 Wednesday

Well folks I'm pretty sure that I cracked this morning. Yep, it finally happened. After calling into work this morning at 7 AM and failing to get a vacation day ("we don't have any more available" they sez to me... on a WEDNESAY... IN FUCKING JANUARY! JANUARY!) I had it OUT with myself. I was off Tuesday on a personal day because I had bowel troubles and didn't want to take a disciplinary step over what probably amounted to some bad Mighty Taco and beer, and with Thursday my scheduled day off (thanks to my four 10 hour day work week) and Friday a steward's meeting (= no talking to shithead customers for 10 hours!) I REALLY WANTED today off in toto. But I couldn't JUST take another personal day... WHAT IF YOU WANT THEM DURING THE SUMMER? I thought...

BUT IT'D BE A 6 DAY WEEKEND!

WORK'S STILL GONNA SUCK ON MONDAY!

BUT THAT'S MONDAY! 5 DAYS FROM NOW!

COME ON MAN- DON'T FLAKE OUT. YOU CAN DO IT.

FUCK THAT- 6 DAY WEEKEND! FUCK THAT GODFORSAKEN PLACE!

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU'VE FLAKED OUT!

THAT'S RIGHT! PEOPLE WILL TALK! THE OFFICE WILL SAY "CLIFF'S LOST IT!"

AAARGH! AND I'M TRYING TO FLY UNDER THE RADAR! OK I'LL GO.


This all while I'm sitting on my bed pulling on my socks, and frankly, man was I pooped from this whole battle. Resigned to my fate (another miserable day) my shoulders drooped but then LAUGHTER! I remembered that Daily Show segment about the guy who dresses up as Superman and walks around the Sunset Strip and the nut proudly telling Dan Bakkedahl that the Superman suit he was wearing was from Superman 3 "when Superman was fighting himself in a junkyard" and Bakkedahl saying how he'd too had fought himself in a junkyard, drunk.

Superman: But look on the bright side, somebody won.

Bakkedahl: No, nobody won after that.


And I sat on my bed, thought to myself HEY! IT'S SUPERMAN 3 WEDNESDAY! Then laughing a tad too loudly I finished getting dressed... but before I could leave the house...

WOW CLIFF YOU ARE PRETTY MESSED UP!

YES THAT IS TRUE, BUT THAT WOULD MAKE FOR A GREAT BLOG POST! OR A CHAPTER FOR YOUR BOOK ABOUT WORKING IN CORPORATE HELL... WHY DON'T YOU CALL IN AND TAKE A PERSONAL DAY AND WORK ON THEM....

AHA FUCKER! I'M ONTO YOU! NICE TRY!


And then I went to work where for the rest of the morning I was prone to occasional giggle fits.

Thankfully I am better now.

West Wing Countdown

Savor The West Wing while you can. This week's episode was a standard classic: taut, multilayered, a smackdown to El Presidente's Katrina management, and a masters class on modern politics in the internet age. Outside of President Roslin on BSG this is totally the only White House show worth watching and our nation will be the poorer when it ends in May.

And god, wasn't Donnatella Moss awesome? Man she is great. I'd love to watch a show with her as the Press Secretary and Bail ____ing Organa as the President. Damn we wuz robbed!

A Goddamn Travesty!

Mirrored on the WNY Progress Report Blog:

A Travesty!
January 22nd, 2006 by Cliff

The West Wing cancelled after 7 seasons! A terrible turn of events. A pox on NBC!